My Struggle, by Herr Drumpf

"Dear diary.

You are the most bestest diary in the whole, wide world. Ever. 

E-F-E-R. 

There has never been a bestest diary. 

Anyway... I want to tell you about my struggle. They made up fake news about me. I know, I know. I mean, I was the greatest President that ever was a president. The presidentiest. Never better... So they say... I dont know ... But they say it. 

And they launched the biggest witch hunt in the history of history. Never in history has there been a history as witch hunted as bigly as me. 

Biggest.

 I made deals that created jerbs across amerka. The best deals. And jerbs bigger than jerbs were before. 

Jerby jerbs. 

The biggest. So they say... They do. I don't know.

Diary, biggest diary ever... E-F-E-R. They came after me... Crooked Hilary, slo joe and fake news meejeea cnn. And here I lie, lying here in this jail... The bigliest jail ever. E-F-E-R. Biggest. 

So they say, I dont know...

Im a perfect human specimen. The most perfect. My doctor said he has never seen a more perfect specimen. Messy. 

Here in the jail, Mr Big, he might not say it , but he agrees. I'm his biggest bestest bitch ever. His pussiest pussy. Mr Big's perfect specimen bitch. Or something. Biggliest E-F-E-R. 

So they say. 

I dont know..."