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Saturday, 26 December 2020

We dont need no thought control... 1979

I'm nostalgic at times. I was always so. Facebook makes me look like I am always looking back... I'm not, but I suppose this place is a bit of an outlet (as it is for politics ... Another thing I really don't constantly talk about- nowadays- in real life).

As a teenager, I reminisced about a brilliant childhood (always leaving out the shitty bits in school, like primary teachers who wailed, flailed, and beat and like peers damaged by a less than idyllic upbringing who wailed, flailed and beat). When I was older, when I drank (and shared a, wee toke), I reminisced about teenaged years, and when I was older still, reminisced about those days. There are precious days I dont share here... The past 23 years with my wee family being one- that'll be for the grandkids (though I annoy my family with photos... But only because I know they will be valuable to the family in the future ).

Pink Floyd's Brick in the Wall pt 2 HERE


This year has been a year of reminiscing. Especially about dad, who I think about every single day. And about good times, when I think I did ok... But I know I overthink times, when I didn't do so well. In my head I have hundreds apologies for people I treated badly as I was learning to be me... Just as old me will have thought of apologies for these days, months, and years of this period of my life (sorry, in advance 🙂) . I think people who go about their lives pretending they have no regrets really are creating problem after problem for themselves. I think reassessing everything, from your very core, to the very brief and inane, is important.

Apologies are important, and I really have thought about contacting people who where in my sometimes awful, seering, burning and explosive orbit in the past, and telling them I'm sorry. Having said that, I then of course realise that they really couldnt give two hoots about how I misspoke, or what a flake I was, or that I was just a selfish idiot. Life moves on.

Nostalgia can be fun. And "What ifs" fun, too. What if I had have worked harder at school? What if I had have enjoyed my first job and grovelled and scraped a bit more with that unreasonable boss? What if I hadn't volunteered for redundancy when I was 25? What if I had have went to Exeter rather than Stirling Uni..? What if the UK had have voted Labour, rather than Thatcher..? What if I didnt overthink things..? What if I wasnt so nostalgic?

Living in the now, is very difficult at the moment, during this seasonal storm, during covid, during the needy end months of my dog's life, so sitting watching telly, tired, eating badly really does need to be punctuated by nostalgia. Living in the now was something I did very well between the age of 17 to 30 (and older), especially on Friday and Saturday nights... But alcohol had that freeing effect.

Music really is one of the most magical things. It reminds you of smells, foods, events, people, emotions. Every song I've loved reminds me of great times, regrets, loves, decisions. And I really could choose from a thousand songs to illustrate this. At present, I'm listening to Japan, Quiet Life... And I've just listened to Life in Tokyo... Two songs from my early teenaged years when life, was about waiting, wondering what adulthood would be like. So I'm reminiscing about the on the cusp time. The time before big decisions, big nights out, clubbing, relationships, children and worry.

1979 was the cusp of everything... And really seemed like the beginning of the future. I was reading 2000ad and listening to punk, post punk, new wave, Abba, my sisters music, and watching Kenny Everett and Not the Nine O'clock news...

The Jam, Going Underground HERE


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