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Tuesday, 6 January 2015


I've just been bombarded by really dodgy adverts. The first one to catch my eye is the Provident Loan wee pet doggy. What people don't see in that cute wee money folded dug is its over 300% apr poisonous, flesh ripping fangs. I hate animal cruelty, but burn that origami January debt dog.

The advert for the 99p piece of KFC chicken cadaver is odd. First of all, the ad is definitely advertising the fact that the dead chicken who sacrificed its life, unknowingly, is 99p, but a message appears half way through that says, "Prices May Vary." 'Hey! Get your 99p piece of chicken that may be 99p, or it might not be!"
That's not the oddest thing about this ad. The oddest thing is how happy the couple look in their poverty. They smilingly, knowingly look at each other after they see an advert for the 99p piece of dead, decapitated, delimbed piece of bird that experienced a miserable life just to have it's dead flesh dressed in spiced bread crumbs... I diverge. They see an advert for 99p KFC and smile at each other. They've obviously been sitting there, broke, starving and jobless. Why else would a seemingly cheap piece of dead breaded animal arse make them so happy, and jolt them into such money scrimping action?
They are then seen robbing their we'ans, searching for pennies down the side of the settee, etc- obviously this couple are in dire straights. Although they are smiling throughout the search and robbery for cash, quite a few thoughts MUST be going through their heads. Where will we get our NEXT meal? Do the we'ans need food (their selfishness and relish at the robbery proves their dreadful parenting)? Why won't the social services refer us to another foodbank, perhaps one that allows us more frequent access? And once they have found the £1.98, will KFC randomly increase the price?
Is this advert a subliminal Tory pr exercise? It works on many levels. Iain Duncan Smith will be quoting it as fact in his next paper. "Couples with children, instead of looking for jobs, have enough pennies down their settees to live a life of restaurant luxury. Therefore I am introducing the settee tax on glamorous, smiling, children piggy bank robbing chicken eaters. This will raise the necessary billion billion pounds to give poor bankers their monthly bonus AND the Queens WiFi bill so Andrew can send another denial of being a worse shit than me."

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