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Thursday, 10 February 2011

Tweets! I've got the Coffee Jitters

I entered a competition to win Tesco vouchers and coffee on Jane Alexander's blog, DIARY OF A DESPERATE EXMOOR WOMAN. I'll come to the Tesco bit of that later...

The competition is to "Simply tell me what your take is on coffee – love it? Hate it? Uber-snob or anything goes? Oh, and give me a reason why you'd like to win (go on, make me feel better about my crap life - gimme your sob stories!)." Enter HERE

I forgot to tell her why I would like to win. Hopefully this exchange of tweets will put that right -

@exmoorjane (Jane Alexander) Ha! Loved your rant... :) Shocking that a socialist entered such a capitalist sell-out comp! Kinect comp not finished yet.

(Me) socialists need to feed their teenagers as well... :)

@exmoorjane ain't that a fact! Just that I used to work in a co-operative where one would have been shot for the T word.

(Me) aha.well-as I live in an area surrounded by a tripartite of moral dilema (M&S, ASDA & TESCO)I have decided the other 2 are worse :)

... anyway - this is my desperate entry...

Coffee is the drink of Gods. Very fidgetty and almost cocaine nervy Gods if you are like me and drink 5 expresso every morning before work. It will shape the world- and has done already.

Coffee will be what changes this world, totally. It, along with twitter and facebook have completely transformed how and when we communicate. I have spent nights re-tweeting the Tunisian revolution, the Egyptian revolution, student sit ins and the up coming Scottish revolution. None of these changes would have been possible without coffee, twitter and me. Coffee, sometimes Cuban, will have us Glaswegians out storming the City Chambers at 3.36am, all paley-wally and panda-eyed (watch out for the tweet).

The brown stuff, the ground stuff, the fidgetting around stuff- coffee, with a small tray bake or scone, is all the mover and shakers of this world need to move and shake. My car moves Tron like across the motorway, utilizing small spaces between cars to deftly "ride that 'jam"- rush hour driving skills that have been bestowed upon me by the eight cups of mahogany rich, cigar smoked, south American elixor of mad driving. I rarely crash.

A day without coffee is a day under the covers, curtains drawn, head screaming and stomach churning. I need my fix. My ducking and diving reduced to treacle like wading under water with a pair of gators on and heavy chains weighing me down. No revolution will be won by my caffeine withdrawal.

But here's the rub. Should someone shove a handful of caffeine in an insipid brew such as tea or Coke or (dry boaks) Irn Bru... in front of me when I am sweating and retching my call for my addictive drink, I would throw it at them. Coffee is more than it's drug (though caffiene free coffee might as well be tea) -it is an experience beyond wine tasting. It awakens the taste buds; the brain synapsis and will awaken the youth and the revolutionaries typing insanely over their laptops at 3.36am.

Vive la revolucion!

(pushes the plunger on the cafetierre and retweets someone extolling the virtues of small caramel covered traybakes in Milngavie... nom nom...)


  1. Ho ho ho..... Okay, so get this. You didn't win!

    you DID win the Kinect prize!! Now email me so I can get your details to forward to them...need your name, address, email and phone number for Ubisoft...whack em over to me at janeATjanealexanderDOTorg

    And...hey, congrats!

  2. Now that IS hilarious! The one I put no effort in to won! lol! Email on it's way!


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